Juve

Juve-Benfica 1-2: the bianconeri raise the white flag, it is a total defeat and we are only a month away from the start of the season.

PERIN 7 – It acts like a Diabolik plan, precise and always in the right place. This time, however, the Portuguese Ginkos frame him with an evil 1-2 and the prison doors approach.

BREMER 5 – The best defender of the last league seemed to be busy reading Twilight. Vegetarian vampires, teenage stories, sausage ketchup and mayonnaise sandwiches and manga embarrassments for sissies (without being sexist). He was spinning around like a butterfly hunter.

BONUCCI 4.5 – On an evening like this, more was expected of the captain; he was shy and scared like spiderman who has to keep his secret identity hidden: why didn’t Mary Jane call me? And will Aunt May find out I’m Spider Man? Supercapitans with super problems.

DANILO 5 – A roundabout on the sea hums. The summer has still left behind and think of the evenings in Ipanema, the buttocks of the tourists, the grilled lobsters and the beach volleyball tournaments that O’Animal won, under the eye of Edmundo.

CUADRADO 4 – Embarrassing like Kiavik: follower of Diabolik, Kriminal and superhero of the slums. He always makes a mistake in the choice. And to think that others, better than him, have not been renewed.

DE SCIGLIO 6 – Come in with a good look. After the week at the Allegri house, as a cleaning man, try to take the field with the broom, the bucket and the mop. Luckily Matteo Fabris reminds him that he has to play football.

MCKENNIE 5 – It runs in circles like Netflix’s Alien Warfare, in which it’s not clear why it was bought.

PAREDES 5 – The Sandman series isn’t bad; yet the voice of the protagonist who would like to be cavernous, is unpleasant. 1 vote less just for this.

MIRETTI 6 – Unfortunate as who produced a film in 1999. Between the thin Red Line, Life is Beautiful and Private Ryan, John Madden’s Shakespeare in love wins, neither before nor after, nor in this one has ever hit the spot.

DI MARIA 6.5 – Juventus’ Walter Brennan: three Oscar awards as supporting actor. And in the end, if we depend only on him, the management should ask themselves some questions.

KOSTIC 6 – It’s like a Ramones song. 4 chords, but he arranges them very well. Too bad there is a lack of a bassist, a drummer, a singer, a producer, the groupies, the supporters, the fans, the vinyl, the cd, the cassette and even the record market.

KEAN 6 – For once he focuses on the match instead of on the tressette tournament in Settimo Torinese with a trip to Piovarolo.

MILIK 7 – Since he shot too much on goal Allegri replaces him (we must be ugly and losers, other than bellini, the composer). After all, since he won’t be able to play on Sunday, he’ll be at the coach’s home cooking beans and pork rinds for the entire management.

BEANS 6 – It’s like the script for Pirates of the Caribbean 7: you want to win back the midfield, after having given it to your opponents, with indifference, for the whole game; so as to resume the ball, in search of the hole.

VLAHOVIC 4.5 – It’s like the fog in Totò’s film: it’s there but you can’t see it. Of course.

ALLEGRI 4 – Communication problem. Even reading aloud all of his books doesn’t work: Max and the Philosopher’s Defense, Max and the Defense of Secrets, Max and the Defense of Fire, Max and the Defense of the Phoenix, Max and the Gifts of Defense. If he defends himself on the goal line, just to make a disgrace to Adani, in the end he gets the goal. In the meantime, in the last 15 months, fans have made a pilgrimage to the circus, the racecourse, the cinema and the theater (only Lourdes is missing but I prefer to avoid blasphemy): but he is not understanding anything. Preaching calm to those who play without being able to win a contrast, means cutting the fresh vine and not the dry one. Giovanni Drogo returned home from the Bastiani Fortress and recognized nothing. Allegri doesn’t know where football is going and he doesn’t want to go either.

TENET IN THE DARK – Last year Allegri did not understand that the changes were 5. The defense of his fans was: whoever lets in, there is no one on the bench. Then Miretti played the last 4 games (Salernitana doesn’t seem to have let Messi, Ronaldo and Lewandowski in).

The fan was angry with Dybala who never scored in the decisive matches (Barcelona 2, Tottenham 1, Bayern Munich 1), now he seems to be angry with Vlahovic. Maybe the problem is different, given that the players who go away, elsewhere, start running again and not mess around?

Juve-Benfica 1-2: almost everyone is wrecked, even the best and the new